Cap'n Morgan Balls o' Greatness

Christmas is that time of year I dread a bit and embrace at the same time. I hate the neverending Christmas music, sending Christmas cards, the whirlwind travel, and the emptying of my wallet. I love Christmas lights, snow, snowball fights (though those are lacking in this wasteland of not-quote-cold-enough-for-snow-ever), hot chocolate, things that taste of pumpkin, and last but not least, Christmas cookies. One of the few amazing things the folks at the church my parents forced us to go to as a child was the cookie swap, where all the churchgoing mothers brought a couple dozen cookies. Then, for a couple bucks, each kid got a tin coffee can or brown paper bag and got to stuff it full of whatever kind o' cookie they wanted. One of my favorites was the Cocoa Rum Balls. Sure, they were prolly non-alcoholic, but I went on a mission to soothe my work-frazzled nerves and decided to make some that packed more punch. Of course, a couple of the guys at Primal Fitness decided to mar my memory of rum ball deliciousness by comparing them to Captain Morgan and his balls... ha.

I took 1 (12 ounce) package Nilla wafers (don't get the generic brand, this is one time where you can taste the difference) and pulverized them into dust in my blender. It took two batches but its worth not having huge chunks for consistency. I did the same with about 1.5 cups of pecans. Mix those in a big ass bowl with 1/4 cup Ghiardelli unsweetened cocoa and 3/4 cups confectioner's sugar. My cousin works for Ghiardelli so I often feel compelled to buy their products. I'm sure Hershey's would work just fine.

Now, although the recipe calls for light corn syrup, I believe it is pure evil brough upon us by the food industry. Plus, Safeway didn't have any that I could see, which is probably smarter anyway since it just makes people crave more sugar and then get fat and does all sorts of crazy shit to your sugar levels. Anyway, I subbed in 3 TBSP agave nector, which worked amazingly well and has a very low glucose level so it doesn't mess with your system as badly. Plus, its all natural and made from the same plant as mescal and tequila, so it automatically gets alcoholic cool points there.

Mix the agave nector together with 1/2 cup of rum. I used a little more than 1/2 cup and I used Flor de Cana (the 5 year) because its a lighter rum but packs a nice punch. I also have fond memories of Flor de Cana rum from Nicaragua, and my food choices and cooking inspiration often comes from my personal experience. I like to get messy so I mixed it by hand. Then you roll the "dough" into one inch balls (hehe balls), roll 'em in confectioner's sugar, or as I prefer, sugar in the raw, and line 'em up on parchment paper. Store in an airtight container, stick 'em in the fridge. Note that the flavors actually improve over time, so resist the urge to eat them all right away. Wait at least 2 to 3 days for maximum alcoholic deliciousness.